Metal up your ass!

This yellow sports car parked outside a Barnes and Noble in Austin boasted the coolest Ontario license plates I've seen in my life.

Temple of Food

If you're going to raise food for the hungry, be creative. This is America, for fuck's sake! Basically, some group convinced a bunch of other groups to donate food if architechs would create a bunch of these things and put them in the mall with a sign displaying the donors logos. This sculpture alone was made of 5,328 cans and contained 4,250 pounds of food. After shoppers see these and learn how giving can be fun, the food is donated to charity. Everybody wins!

Driving north on Lamar Blvd

Austin is a driving city and I spend a lot of time in automobiles. I've decided to videotape every street in the city, starting with this stretch of road. (Consider yourself warned, Google Street View!) These videos will provide you with a great opportunity to take in parts of Austin, Texas for a fraction of the cost and from the comfort of your own computer! This section of Lamar is considered drab to some, but I like it because it still has unique local character. Better than strip malls filled with big box stores!

Henry the cat plays with disco toy

Our new cat is still young and easily thrilled by toy balls. Add blinking lights to the equation and it's a total mind fuck!

Singer performs for tips in San Antonio

My favorite destination in San Antonio lived up to its reputation as an eclectic, kitschy melting pot when this crowd watched a young singer perform a karaoke version of a Pat Benatar song. The best part? Public drinking is encouraged!

Rachael Fucking Ray!

Last Sunday, we didn't have much going on so we thought we'd go meet Rachael Ray at a local bookstore and have her sign our cookbook. The line was long as hell and contained exactly the type of middle America folks you'd expect would be fans of a chipper daytime talk show host who inspires seething hatred among sane people.

I had high expectations, that my prejudice against giggling robots would melt away once I experienced her warm personality first hand. My expectations were not met. And frustratingly, only children were allowed to take a picture with her. But I will confess, her cook book does contain some delicious recipes, even if many are needlessly complicated.

Sketchiest strip club ever

I passed by this strip club yesterday while driving through the middle of nowhere in Central Texas. You really have to click on the picture for a close-up view. I think S. put it best. She said it looks like a rape barn.

Geotagging, yay!

My new G1 phone has its pluses and minuses (the battery is a real bitch), but I'm happy with its ability to add GPS data to pictures. It means when I upload to Flickr, it automagically puts the photo on a map! For some reason this makes phone photography more appealing.
Here's the map.

Call me a geek, but we'll all be doing this in a couple years.

It's hard to say goodbye

Our precious cat died this week. It was a medical condition. We had been helping Le Chat for awhile with his kidney problems by giving him daily subcutaneous injections of electrolyte fluids, but unfortunately his heart problems suddenly got worse and we were left with no choice.

We rescued Le Chat from a Montreal animal shelter three-and-a-half years ago. Everyday since his death, I've been recalling new memories. Le Chat was very friendly, and was only really happy when around human beings. He also seemed to have a sixth sense that could detect when you were not feeling well. This was an exceptional cat. He will be sorely missed.

New York in November

We had a great time in New York last week! We purposefully spent a lot of time in Brooklyn, baby! Here are some pics.

Philadelphia in November

We went on a trip to the City of Brotherly Love last week. It was my first time there. We also visited New York City. I'll upload those pictures in a bit. But first, take a trip with me to the Cradle of Liberty.

Holy Fucking Shit!

Here is reaction from the Driskill Hotel in Austin just moments after Barack Obama was declared the victor in the Presidential election. The Driskill was where Travis County Democrats traditionally hold their election night parties. It was insane!

Jack In The Box Breakfast Bowls

Breakfast bowls really seem to be catching on across America, ever since Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls rolled out in 2007. I might even be tempted to try this breakfast bowl and give you an honest review, if I hadn't caught a nasty case of food poisoning from this restaurant six months ago. Alas, it's probably for the best.

Individually wrapped hard-boiled eggs

Saw these at a gas station in San Antonio. Top awards for most hilarious travel snack! But it's also an interesting consumer trend. Some companies, like Eggland's Best and Born Free, will sell you entire bags of hard-boiled eggs. Because goodness knows, they're difficult enough to make.

Aptronyms

What more could you ask for in a food product? It does what it says and it says what it does. Thank you Whole Foods.

Lunchablez

Replacing a Z for an S doesn't make this taco any more extreme than a normal Lunchables taco. Oscar Meyer, you might be able to fool the kids, but you ain't foolin' me! Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to get MaXed Out.

CSS at Austin City Limits

The festival was hot and dusty. The people sitting on blankets near the stage made me want to kill. But the beer was cold and the food was delicious and although it sucked every morsel of energy out of my body I still had a good time at Austin City Limits. Don't think I'll ever go again. Stick to the clubs.

Gun magazines

In Texas, there are many options when it comes to gun magazines. Even mainstream bookstores like Borders (pictured here) place gun magazines at eye level.

Cruel and unusual

Of all those stores in the mall I don't want to work in, this is the one I don't want to work in the most. Imagine the scent of a thousand perfumes, expensive and cheap, mixed into one single head crushing odor -- the scent of mania!

Hot time in the city

SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AUSTIN TX
1135 PM CDT FRI AUG 1 2008

HOT EARLY AUGUST DAYS WILL CONTINUE THROUGH MONDAY...AS THE SUB-TROPICAL HIGH INCREASES OVER SOUTH CENTRAL TEXAS THROUGH MONDAY...HOT AND DRY EARLY AUGUST DAYS WILL PREVAIL.

AFTERNOON HIGHS NEAR 100 ARE EXPECTED THIS WEEKEND THROUGH MONDAY. SOME LOCATIONS COULD SEE AFTERNOON HIGHS AROUND 101 TO NEAR 105.

THE MOSTLY SUNNY DAYS AND INTENSE EARLY AUGUST SUN WILL ADD TO THE HEAT. NO RAIN IS EXPECTED THROUGH MONDAY.

"Just rip and tear your way to CRAZY TASTY town!"

If you click on this picture, you can read the caption on the upper right hand corner of this individually wrapped serving of SPAM. It is definitely one of the funniest pieces of copy I've ever seen on a food product. Where the hell is Crazy Tasty town anyway? It sounds like a place that serves a lot of snack food. And there are probably a bunch of annoying teens there, playing arcade games after school with that Chester Cheeto cat.

I can't help but think that the makers of SPAM are playing on the ironic appeal of their product. "Ha, this food is so shitty, isn't it actually funny that I'm eating it!" Guess what buddy, jokes on you.

Top Notch Hamburgers

Austin is one of the top hamburger capitals of America, and some of the best burger joints are those that haven't changed in decades. Top Notch is one of those places. In fact, it's so frozen in time that it was used as one of the locations in the movie Dazed and Confused -- a movie set in the 1970s.

A little old lady takes your order from behind the counter and men in trucker hats prepare your burger on a charcoal grill. The onion rings are cut right on site, and damn, does it make a difference. Not only are their burgers fantastic, but their onion rings are some of the best in town. Here are some pics.

Click on this picture to get a better look at the menu. You can't go wrong with the Number 2.

Keep up the good work, buddy!

Raise your handguns!

After months of anticipation, I finally fired my first handgun. Growing up in Canada, handguns are somewhat of an exotic hobby. And by exotic, I mean clandestine. Obtaining one is next to impossible, as you can see here.

But in the Great State of Texas, where freedom reigns and motorcycle helmets are optional, almost anyone of legal age can walk into a gun store - and after a quick background check on the FBI database - walk out with a couple Smith & Wesson 500 Revolvers. Don't want to deal with a pesky background check? No problem! Just show up at a gun show and buy from a private individual. No fuss, no muss.

I know Canadians love to stick up their noses at loose American gun laws, and exploit the United States' higher murder rate as a salve for Canada's cultural insecurity. But we should celebrate the things that make us different!

Yes, the gun show loophole should probably be closed, and perhaps there should be a longer waiting period for handgun purchases, but to strip America of the easily accessible handgun would be akin to slapping the cigarette out of the mouth of James Dean. Like blue jeans and the Chevy Cadillac, the handgun is America!

Andrew WK does funny dance

Had an awesome USA day spent with Andrew WK at Emo's. He flew out to the ATX from NYC for a special Independence Day show. I took a bunch of video but the sound was crap. My camera's tiny condenser mic couldn't handle being in front of the speakers. However, I did capture this hilarious dance that was part of an extensive routine to warm up the crowd. It must have worked because by the time "It's Time to Party" hit, the audience fucking exploded.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

This is my first Canada Day in Texas. And in what has become a tradition here on Distracted Dispatches, I'm posting a home video reminder of how craaaazy those Canadians get in Ottawa. Sorry, but I must draw the line at the patriotic umbrella hat. Doesn't mean I don't respect you, John A. MacDonald!

Satan worshipping cowboys?

It would be cool if these guys were at a metal concert, but they're just University of Texas fans in the 1970s flashing the college's hand symbol for sporting events. It's usually accompanied with the slogan, "Hook 'em Horns!" But I like to pretend they're possessed by the devil.

940 News R.I.P.

I was very disappointed to learn that 940 Montreal (a.k.a. 940 News, CINW, 940) will be flipping formats because of low revenues. Here's the official news release from parent company, Corus Quebec.

Change of format for 940 Montreal

MONTREAL, June 6 /CNW Telbec/ - Corus Quebec announced today that radio
station 940 Montreal will soon introduce a new format. The station will change
from talk radio to a Greatest Hits music format on June 14. Corus Quebec plans
to give the dial position a new voice to help maintain radio diversity in
Montreal.
"We have spent years building a strong team that developed strong content
for the 940 Montreal listeners. Unfortunately, continued disappointing ratings
have sent us the clear message from our listeners that a format change was
required" said Mario Cecchini, Vice President, Montreal and Quebec Regions.
"We will continue to keep two news journalists at 940 Montreal open and look
forward to serving our audiences with the new format."
The company confirmed that 18 people were affected by the format change.

About Corus Quebec

Corus Quebec is an integral part of Corus Entertainment Inc. and the
largest private content and information broadcaster in Quebec. It operates
CKOI Montréal, 98.5 FM Montréal, CKAC Sports Montréal, Info690, 940 Montreal,
Q92 Montreal, 103.9 FM Saint-Jérôme, 102.1 FM Montmagny-Lévis-Québec, 98.3 FM
Saguenay, 104.7 FM Outaouais, 106.9 FM Mauricie, 102.1 FM Estrie, 102.9 FM
Québec, CKOY Sherbrooke and Info 800 Québec, reaching more than 2.4 million
listeners per week. According to comScore Media Metrix, Corus Quebec websites
are visited by over 1.5 million French-speaking users and 3.2 million
English-speaking users in Canada every month. Corus Québec employs
578 individuals.

Corus was looking to make the announcement a week later but someone leaked word of the format change to the media and management was forced to act. I wonder if reporters from other news outlets were calling the 940 newsroom and asking about it. That would have been the worst possible way to find out.

Here's the on-air announcement made by Mario Cecchini. Notice how Barry Morgan has to drag it out of Mario. Just spit it out already Cecchini!

I realize 940 hadn't turned a profit for a long time and running a newsroom is a costly venture. And Corus is required by law to follow the interests of its shareholders. But I'm still disappointed. 940's transmission signal served a lot of people that didn't show up in the BBM ratings. When I was in Boston, I could pick up 940's signal at night. I think shuttering the newsroom is a loss for a huge swath of Quebec, Ontario and New England. I hope everyone losing a job gets a big severance check.

Alcohol Is In It!

Found this Cosmopolitan-in-a-box product in SuperTarget, just in time for this weekend's release of the Sex in the City movie. And thank goodness they clarified that Alcohol Is In It. Throw that stamp on just about anything and I'm going to buy it!

Sweet ride

I've never lived in a city with such a high ratio of vintage automobiles. Here's one I saw today. I know fuck all about cars except I knows what I likes!

Pictures of downtown Austin

Absolutely fantastic weather in Central Texas this weekend with low humidity, comfortable highs in the mid-70s (lower-20s Celsius) and mostly clear skies but for a few wisps of light cloud. It made for a pleasant stroll through downtown Austin. Here are some pictures. Click them for bigger images.

Congress Ave always makes for a scenic cruise right up to the headquarters of state government.

There is a shitload of construction going on in downtown Austin as this city continues to grow in the face of a national economic downturn.

Republic Square is one of many parks in the heart of the city.

This is the view looking east down West Sixth Street.

A random cluster of buildings.

This is a really weird building that changes shape depending on the angle at which it is viewed. From the front, it looks more like an Aztec pyramid.

The Frost Bank Tower is currently the tallest completed building in Austin, but it will lose that title later this year.

Nice rims on a beater

I'm sure this phenomenon exists in all North American towns and cities, but it still makes me laugh when I see a motor vehicle sporting rims worth more than the vehicle itself! I guess I understand how the shiny silver distracts from the ghetto paint job. But still, who do you think you're fooling?

Texas wildflowers bloom

Wildflowers bloom for only a few weeks every year in Texas, which makes everyone appreciate the pleasant, fleeting colors. City folk commonly encounter wildflowers along the untamed stretches of grass that flank highways, like this area a short distance from our home along Interstate 35. There are many different types of Texas wildflowers, but I believe the yellow ones pictured above are Black-eyed Susans. Click on the image for a closer look.

The official state flower of Texas is the Bluebonnet (below), a beautiful blossom that also makes for a fine tattoo.

Smarty Pants goes over the rail

One of the best jammers in this season of TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls action is Smarty Pants of the Holy Rollers! She slices through the pack like a hot knife through butter! Last Sunday, in one of the most exciting incidents of the bout, she hit the rails and flipped over the side! Ouch! The crowd went wild!

SXSW videos!

Had a fuckload of fun at South by Southwest 2008 here in Austin. A fuckload, I say! 1,700 bands playing across the city over four days, many of those bands playing multiple shows. Here are just some bands we caught on Saturday.

Click on the picture to watch the Youtube vid.

Think About Life
This was my favorite band of the festival. They played at a Pop Montreal showcase at Beauty Bar and ripped the freaking house down!
The Nymphets
It was really nice to see the Nymphets after having played shows with them so many damn times in Montreal. Fun garage punk rock! I bought their 7"
The Knux
These guys were a lot of fun and they played at a Rachael Ray party! Rachael Ray was freaking there, although we didn't see her. It was weird though. But the drinks were free and plentiful.
Mika Miko
Really cool post-punk band from L.A. on one of my favorite record labels Kill Rock Stars. They also put on a great show, even though it was the mid-afternoon. The drinks also ran free at this Bust party.

El Camino

This vehicle will officially ring in the newest category for this blog. It's one I should have introduced long ago given the automobile culture in Austin: cars. You see strange and beautiful vehicles all the time in this city and here is one of them. This extra long El Camino cruiser was in the parking lot of my local H-E-B. Note the container of compressed fuel in the back! This thing must be a bitch to drive but you'd look like a king behind the wheel.

Clinton campaign mailer

One of the benefits of living in a state that could decide the Democratic presidential race is receiving negative campaign mailers. This attack from Hillary Clinton arrived in our mailbox on Saturday, just three days before the Texas primary on Tuesday, March 4th. Click on the images to get a closer look. I find it interesting.

She's attacking Obama's healthcare plan because it doesn't force people to buy coverage if they don't want it. Even though I think everyone should have coverage, mandating that every American buy it and threatening to garnish their wages if they don't is exactly the kind of government intervention the Republicans are ready to pounce on to prevent a Democrat from winning office. I can already imagine the attack ads assailing Hillary and her plan to have the government garnish your paycheck. That's going to freak a lot of people out.

This comes down the fundamental difference in the approaches of Obama and Clinton. Obama is probably more to the left than Clinton but realizes that to accomplish policy goals you have to be willing to compromise. Clinton promises to fight by the old rules. It's a matter of transcending partisanship versus fulfilling it.

Hungry-Man XXL Exposed!

I can't help but laugh everytime I see Hungry-Man XXL products in the grocery store aisles. ONE-AND-A-HALF POUNDS OF FOOD! But yesterday I made an interesting discovery. The nutrition facts state this XXL serving size of Southern Boneless Fried Chicken is actually intended for two! Sharing?! How XXL is that? Not very! It's more like plain old L. Shame on you Hungry-Man!

Kickin' it Olde School

I think I drank my first 40 of OE as a teenager in Iode Park in Nelson. These days, an occasional nice $2.50 bottle of malt liquor from the local drive-thru booze barn can be a great addition to a Saturday night. Partay!

Stevie Ray Vaughn statue

 

Austin built a tribute to one of its most famous musicians and it's right on the Colorado River across from downtown. How scenic!

Honky Lips?

 

Saw this car in the parking lot of an H-E-B near our house. I couldn't tell if the graffiti was decoration or vandalism.

"I roll a blunt with my left hand."

Check out my remix of Snoop Dogg's 2002 single Not Like It Was. Got my hands on the acapella track and made some beats, fucked with the vocals.

For comparison, here's the original version.

G-Funked!